yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
