my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
thus making me awesome and them whores
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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