you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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