im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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