I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize