A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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