kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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