apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
