Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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