Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
