I'm passing your future prison.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
