I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
