God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
handjob tips. give me some.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
