You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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