HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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