im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
