I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
