So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
