6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
if only i could text you this smell
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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