I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
