Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
