are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE