it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
