u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?