I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?