He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
