Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."