Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
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I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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