god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.