WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
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Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
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If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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