...so i touched it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
