i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
