i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
