Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
