wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
