Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
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