So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I had to cum in my sink.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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