at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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