Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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