We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
