how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I got inside last night via doggy door
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
