i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
