Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Floor bacon is actually really good
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize