listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
