Soap is not a condiment
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
