What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
