I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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