kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
