I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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