East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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