I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
