I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
