we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I want her autograph on my taint
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
