you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
