feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
