She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
