Umm I'm too high to move.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
