then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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