I'm lost and stupid without you.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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