your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
