Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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