"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
