shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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