I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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