Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
