I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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