the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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