I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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