i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I currently don't understand fingers.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
