She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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