Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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