he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
