Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
