Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
