there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
