if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
