I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
