Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
