Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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