They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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