She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
