Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
