i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
