Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
