This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
