My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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