wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
