He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
