Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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