What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
