evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
